Have you ever felt so tired that life feels like a marathon? The kind of tired where you grind your teeth just to keep going.
I know that feeling quite well.
A few years ago, something strange happened to me. My left wrist suddenly became very painful. It was sharp and stubborn, like my hand had decided it did not want to cooperate anymore. I could barely move it.
After seeing doctors and going to a therapist, I learned something surprising. The pain was not really about my wrist. It was stress. My body had simply reached its limit and decided to protest.
I went to multiple therapy and counseling sessions to treat my condition. They taught me various modalities to cope with my stress and anxiety. You name it, from breath work to CBT, from hypnotherapy to TRE, and also from simply writing a gratitude journal to EFT. I tried everything.
To be fair, the therapies helped. My wrist returned to normal. Alhamdulillah. But the stress never completely disappeared.
Maybe it is because I have always pushed myself quite hard. I like doing things well. Sometimes, maybe too well. Even today, I still use the modalities I was taught when things feel heavy, sometimes combining them to reduce my stress.
There was one session that stands out to me.
The counselor asked, “Have you ever talked to God?”
“What do you mean? Like praying?” I asked.
“No. Just talk to God. Tell Him your stories, tell Him you are grateful, tell Him what you are feeling. You can also tell Him that you are tired and need His help.”
This was uncharted territory for me. Growing up, prayer always felt like a request form. Praying had never been a form of communication. It was then that I realized prayer could be a form of communication too, where you talk directly to God, and you do not have to ask for something.
I can have a deep talk with God. It could change the whole concept. Like a tired traveller speaking to a trusted companion. Like sharing without imposing my own expectations. And I do not need to stress about whether my prayer is accepted. I just need to tell Him how I am feeling.
So this week, in the last 10 days of Ramadan, I want to spend the time having a conversation with God. Quiet nights are a good time to slow down and reflect. Sharing the unfinished thoughts in my head. The worries, the gratitude, the confusion, everything. I do not know what answers I will receive. Maybe clarity will come. Maybe not. But at least I can have my deep talk with God.
Life has a funny way of repeating patterns. And sometimes the pattern makes a comeback when it needs to teach us something, like my stress and anxiety that are still present.
These reflection nights are my attempt to understand it a little better. Maybe somewhere in those conversations, the pattern can become clear. And slowly, I can become certain and find my true calling.
